Wakatte-ita hazu
by Chibi Shin-chan
Summary: PG for yaoi. This is an Eriol X Syaoran fic. Kinda angsty, I guess?


~Standard disclaimers apply~  
  
If this fic doesn't make any sense to you, then... come join me! *sweatdrop* I wrote this and it kinda confuses me in ways I don't understand. But it turned out ok.... I guess. *bigger sweatdrop* Ummm... can anyone teach me to play the next 4 pages of Yoru no Uta?  
  
***  
  
Wakatte-ita hazu  
  
***  
toorisugiru  
koibito-tachi no waraigoe  
mune wo shimetsukeru  
  
The laughing voices  
of lovers passing by  
makes me get all choked up.  
***  
  
I look down from a tree, scanning each and every face in the crowds below. The wind lightly brushes against my face, chilling a damp streak on my cheek.   
  
So many people in love... sharing the summer with those they hold dear... And who did I have?   
  
Nobody...   
  
***   
ameagari no  
shuumatsu no gogo na no ni  
watashi hitori machi wo aruku  
soba ni  
itai no ni  
  
Even though the rain has stopped  
on this weekend afternoon,  
I'm walking the streets all alone,  
even though  
I want to be with you.  
***  
  
My shoes splash audibly as they pass through puddles. The street is empty, littered only with sound raindrops dripping on the cold asphalt. I don't know where I'm going, I just let my feet guide me.  
  
I stop walking suddenly, and look up. *Your* house. I walk towards the window and peek inside. You are lying on the couch eyes gazing at the ceiling above you. Beautiful... That's what you are...  
  
Another tear rolls down my cheek as I remember that you will never be mine.  
  
***   
sonna koto wakatte-ita hazu  
suki ni nareba natta dake  
kurushimu koto  
  
I should have known this.  
If I fell in love with you that much,  
I would hurt just as much.  
***  
  
I sigh sadly, wishing only to be with you.   
  
I feel a pang of hurt as this thought slowly sinks in. I should have known this would happen.   
  
Whoever said "It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all"? If you ask me, I would be better off if I had never fallen in love. It would have saved me the agony of having to deal with all this. All this...  
  
Pain... Depression... Anger...   
  
***   
setsunai ne wakatte-iru no ni  
omotte-iru anata dake wo  
konna ni  
aenai toki mo  
  
Even though I know it's heart-wrenching,  
I keep thinking only of you,  
even when  
I can't see you.  
***  
  
Yet you are always on my mind. Everywhere I go, I think of you... Even if you were a million miles away... I can see even when I can't. It sounds impossible, yet it's true...  
  
My thoughts are always of you...  
  
***   
donna toki mo  
issho ni ite hoshii nante  
omoccha ikenai to  
  
Even though  
I know I shouldn't think about  
how I wish we could always be together,  
***  
  
I know you love her, not me. But I am still hanging on to a thin thread of hope. Dangling from it; refusing to believe that there is nothing left for me in this world. I know I shouldn't wish for it because it would ruin somebody else's hapiness, yet... trying to stop myself would be even more useless than wishing. So I don't.  
  
***  
osaete-ita  
watashi no kokoro no koe  
tomerarezu ni ima mo afure  
sou de  
kurushii no  
  
even now, the voice of my heart,  
which I've tried to suppress,  
seems to overflow  
endlessly...  
so much so that it hurts.  
***  
  
It's hard to hold back emotions. I have learned that. For even through the countless times I have tried to lock them away, my heart's echoing cries and pleas overflow from where I have kept them. They are incessant streams that burn through me to set themselves free.  
  
That's why I suffer unbearable pain when I see a mere glimpse of your face.  
  
***   
watashi ni wa wakatte-ita hazu  
aishitatte hitorijime  
dekinai koto  
  
I should have known.  
I just can't keep my love for you  
inside, all to myself.  
***  
  
I can't keep every feeling I have had for you bottled up inside me. I want to let go of them... even for a little while. I want to tell somebody; find somebody to help me... But there's no one left...  
  
For me.  
  
***   
demo ima wa taisetsu na omoi  
watashi dake ga mieru hontou  
shinjite  
aishi-tsudzukeru  
  
But now, it's a precious thought.  
I believe in the truth   
only I see,  
and keep on loving you.  
***  
  
There's nothing I can do to avoid the truth. I should accept. I can accept it. I *will* accept it, even if my whole life crumbles when I do. Fate can't be altered. What's coming will come.  
  
Everything is preordained.  
  
***   
watashi ni wa wakatte-ita hazu  
aishitatte hitorijime  
dekinai koto  
  
I should have known.  
I just can't keep my love for you  
inside, all to myself.  
***  
  
But even if i know the truth... why do I still try to stop everything? Is this what love really does? Does it really give you all the hope you want, only to shatter it in front of you very eyes? Is this just a game that "Love" likes to play?  
  
A game...  
  
I try to foget you, because of this...  
  
A game...  
  
I try harder.  
  
***   
demo ima wa taisetsu na omoi  
watashi dake ga mieru hontou  
shinjite  
aishi-tsudzukeru  
  
But now, it's a precious thought.  
I believe in the truth  
only I see,  
and keep on loving you.   
***  
  
But I can't help it... I really can't. There's no way at all...  
  
Am I resigned to this... "Fate"?  
  
I am, aren't I? Nothing can be changed...  
  
Nothing.  
  
Then so be it...  
  
Even if you never find out...  
  
I still will love you, Syaoran Li... 


End file.
